and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
