i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
