in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
