Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
