Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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