You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have fence marks all over my body
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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