I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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