I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
