I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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