Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
