Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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