"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
