All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
