Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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