also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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