I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
