getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
