Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
