Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
