I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
