Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
