I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
