dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize