it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
