I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
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i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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