you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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