Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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