That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
