Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
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Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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