its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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