I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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