When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
