In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
