One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
