so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
