You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
