She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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