he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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