I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
