I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
