oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
