I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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