I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
