Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
