My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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