oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
