update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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