Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize