Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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