can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
