Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
