i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
