Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
