seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
