i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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