marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
