Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
