I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Randomize