How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
