I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
