I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
