Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
