he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
