if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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