She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
