I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
