dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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