I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
