I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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