I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
