if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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