Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
