im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
