i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
