I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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