I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
