I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
