Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
