is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
