i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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