There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Houston, we have a blender
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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