We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
