I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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