He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
