I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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