i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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