Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
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